Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Albert O Albert

I was wrong. (Warning: I am about to snivel.)

I keep thinking the doc's going to say, "You're fine. Take that collar off, resume your life."

He did say Monday's CT showed the bone -- my pathetic, vegan, cracked-up, osteoporotic second cervical vertebra -- was healing.

But he said no flexion/extension neck xrays yet, and I must do a full 12 weeks in this friggin' rig.

(God, I love that GIF. DK assures me, speaking of brace fetishes, that he has yet to find anything erotic about my Aspen , AKA Albert DeSalvo Boston Strangler Collar.)

I can't tell you how depressing it was yesterday to phone up the Aspen company to order a "5-pack" of "chin pads."

Chin pads. Creepy. Like Kotex.

So it's three more weeks. I can do it.

But then I've got to, get this, WEAN off the collar. Slowly. As if it were a proverbial TEAT. Then do 6 weeks of physical therapy. Moi ? Physical ? Oy. Contra natura.

No work for 6 weeks. No driving still.

We won't even contemplate what will happen if the flexion extension views show instability. No we won't. Plus, and this is the doc not my denial speaking, they'll likely be fine.

OK. Buck up, old girl.

It could be way, way, way, way worse.

No comments: